Tag Archives: Pakistan

The future of 4th-Grade English Grammar

iPhone, Ufone, Vfone - Grammatical Person

*Ufone and PTCL Vfone are Pakistani cellular/telecom service providers


‘Shoemanship’ finds a new target

Until only recently, the only targets of hurled shoes were stray dogs, cats and teenage boys with an insatiable appetite for digging (no pun intended) chicks. A year ago, ‘shoemanship’ found a new target. The people of the world were taken by surprise as the American President himself was bombarded by a pair.

Despite the conviction of the perpetrator, the sport’s love for President’s did not falter. After beating about the Bush (heh), it found yet another target a couple of days ago, once again, however, missing its mark by a hair’s breadth. Apparently, the hurlers need more training. Or maybe its the shoes that need to be lighter (Nike Air?). Oxford style shoes and sandals just don’t cut it.

Jootay Khappay

"Sir, would you like to try a size 11?"

Reasons for Demise of Pak Cricket Team Unveiled: Players not Potty Trained?

The following list of reasons has been compiled after extensive research and is based on inferences from authentic facts presented by the Pakistan Cricket Board officials and the cricket team itself. Honest.

Recently, our national cricket team’s performance has been going up and down like a kangaroo with a rash (although this joke is more suited for the Australian team, I just don’t think I’ll ever get to use it for them). The reasons for this are believed to be as follows:

  1. Players seem to have been spending a lot of time fighting and plotting amongst each other like a bunch of women in a Star Plus soap opera. The coach, Intikhab Alam, has recently revealed that a group of “six to seven” players had planned a medieval-style coup d’etat (oath and all) “before the UAE tour last November” (quote DAWN) against the then captain, Younis Khan.
  2. Among other things, the coach also told DAWN that the players are more or less “mentally retarded” (OH NO HE DIDN’T!). If this is true, it would explain all the cat fights and grouping.
  3. Speaking of grouping and fighting – there was apparently a constant rift between two of the most senior players in the side – Yousuf and Younis. The fight, according to our imaginary correspondent, is believed to be the result of “sexually”, “me”, “pathan” and “harass” – the only four words that the correspondent could make out from Yousuf’s testimony in English. In a later press conference with our contact, Yousuf proclaimed that “he me like because our name similar – both start ‘Yo’, he say”. When Younis was interrogated regarding the matter, he seemed appalled, claiming that no such thing happened. “Laka, all I said was that ‘I love Yo’…..’as brother’. He get scare because I’m Khan. But I’m not a terrorist”. Confused? So was our reporter (even though he’s imaginary).                                 Continue reading

Awam Responsible for Cricket Team’s Demise

Another defeat. Another week of cussing and regrets. The result of the match was decided on the last ball. The match, in my opinion, was very enjoyable. I was watching it with my friends in the TV room of my university’s boy’s hostel.

When Abdur Rehman flicked that last ball into the air, everyone cheered for joy. That’s because the camera’s field of vision did not cover the cursed fielder waiting for a catch at the boundary. The cheering died down the instant the fielder came into view. All were glaring at the TV with such ferocity, it seemed their eyes would pop out of their sockets. A friend immediately on my right looked like a kid who had just been made aware of the existence of the boogey man who steals candy from naughty children or an adult who has been told of the boogey man who steals 10% of almost everything from almost everyone regardless of how naughty or nice they’ve been (Mr. President).

Even in all the tension and subsequent disappointment, I could not help but notice the comedy of the situation, the sudden 180 degree change in each spectator’s facial expression. And in the fact that everyone suddenly seemed to have become an expert on what Abdur Rehman should have done.

Yeah. I’m sure anyone in that TV room could have done better than Abdur Rehman. That is, after they had actually made it to the cricket team, and played with an actual cricket ball and not with a cheap rip off of a Dunlop tennis ball (L**dop: Made as Taiwan).

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Ready! iSteady! Apple! Go!

After months, nay years of research, I think it is finally time to reveal unto the world, the truth behind the origin of the names given to Apple’s products.

Brace yourselves, for the truth is often hard to absorb.

Haven’t you ever wondered why they add that small-case ‘i’ before every product’s name? What does it mean? Is it a symbolic reference? Short for ‘internet’? ‘Interactive’?

It doesn’t mean anything, its not symbolic and it is definitely not short for ‘internet’ or ‘interactive’.

It’s origin is purely Pakistani.

It’s true. Don’t stare at the screen like that. I warned you about the truth. Don’t do that.  Staring harder won’t make it go away.

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President Evil: Corruption Trailer

Still wondering what the title is about? You’ve got to be kidding me. Its about our beloved President Zardari starring in the best video game based movie saga of all time of course! Following is the official mock trailer. I would advise taking a look at the real deal first – the official Resident Evil: Afterlife trailer.

Resident Evil Afterlife Official Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM_gl76O328

And now for our feature presentation:

Leaders and Lamers

When an individual takes a seat in the highest tiers of an organization,  his every action becomes a reflection upon his followers and a definition of the very group he leads. This, of course, holds true for any organization, big or small. Throughout the history of man (no offense to my feminist readers, its just an expression) there seems to have been a balance between good and bad leaders.

For every good politician, there is one with mixed morals, a goofy mustache and a notorious alias (Mr. 10%). For every individual with a revolutionary concept, there is a critic and for every patriot with pride for his culture and the will to lead, there is a burger (“buhguh”).

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Fried Sheep

So my friend and I were killing some time in one of my University’s computer labs when, owing to a random search using our trusty old search engine Google, we discovered yet another remarkable source of unintentional comedy the likes of the website where I found the Internate Jobs post.

‘Pakistan’. That is what my friend typed in the search bar. Following is a screenshot of the list of popular searches that appeared as a result.

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Looking for jobs on the Internet (“Internate”)

Until only recently, I – like all the other local job seekers out there – was of the opinion that hunting for jobs in Pakistan via the internet was a total and utter waste of time.

But then I stumbled across a particular post on a local job/employment opportunity website. This one:

Internate Jobs 2

Internate Jobs

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